I wear a smile
So you can't see
The pain in my heart
The real me
I hide in my room
To escape the pain
But there is no hiding
From a slithering chain
My hands are bloody
From hiding my wounds
I know I should show them
But I'm already ruined
I try to hold in
The tears in my eyes
But the oncoming pain
Only brings dreadful cries
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I definitely second Meep. Your basic emo poem.
Next time, write about something you can really talk about, something you know and can discuss in a unique fashion. Please don't write something that can be spliced together from other teen angst poems.
Blah, blah, blah, pain, sorrow, suffering, wounds. We've heard it before! Try to use better diction. Use words in a way you might not normally think of them to make the poem more sophisticated. Also try to use concrete imagery to convey abstract thoughts.
Good luck!
-Colleen
Hm, this was kind-of bland as poems go. I didn't see any particularly interesting ideas or wordpay or anything; it was just a standard emo poem.
So, what can you do about it? First, write what you know. If you are self injuring get help. (There are people who understand and want to help you, I promise.) If you aren't, why are you writing about it?
Second, branch out. Read more poetry. Try new things. Experiment with structured poetry, or with whatever else. Don't just go with your first idea. Instead, push the boundaries of the original concept; maybe instead of dealing with an entire concept, pick one very specific piece of it and write the entire poem about whatever piece that is. (You can try writing a series of poems about parts of a larger idea, if you're feeling really ambitious.)
Okay imagry. You need to adjust your meter a little bit but this poem has good potential. Just work on it a bit and I bet it'll sound a lot better!